I need to vent and where else can I do it, but on a blog, eh? :)
So, a few days ago I came across a woman who, for the most part, didn't look like she had any anger or sadness in her. In fact, she looked downright happy. :)
But as I spoke with her, it didn't take me long to learn that she was rather bitter. In fact, it struck me that she wasn't content unless those around her were intimidated or upset by her words.
At first, I was hurt by what she said to me and I lashed out. And, while I would like to use the excuse I was hurt, that's sadly not a really good excuse. I have no excuse. I could tell I hit a nerve because she fumed even more and really let me have it (verbally, not physically).
I apologized, but she would have nothing to do with that. I was her target and she was going to come full force against me. I apologized again... to no avail. In fact, by now others were around and started pitching in. The more I tried to explain myself, the more they wanted to find chinks in my argument.
So, I figured the best thing I could do is simply walk away...and so I did. I realized that while I tried to smooth things over, I was, in fact, just making matters worse... and that there's no use in trying to reason with the unreasonable.
When I got to my classroom, I looked at all the desks. Then I had the revelation. Just as I have bullies in my classroom, there are bullies in the adult world. And why wouldn't there be? It's not like people hit puberty, or reach the age of 18 and then all of a sudden, they become less of a bully.
I've watched this person attack others who state their opinion. When I approach her --- well, let's just say I no longer approach her... :)
But I am left wondering... are these adults bullies from childhood? Or, could something have happened in their lives to MAKE them feel bitter and angry? And if the latter, is there anything that we can do for them? Or would they even accept our help, believing that WE are in the wrong for even SUGGESTING we want to be friendly to each other?
I'm no saint. I have done (and continue to do) my share of wrongdoings. The Bible teaches I should ask forgiveness. So, I do. The Bible also teaches I'll be persecuted for my beliefs. So, I am. I can only ask for forgiveness... I can't force the person to forgive me.
I still see this woman and her friends and I just pass on by... I won't even make eye contact.
I am happier for it... although I do wish she would accept my olive branch. I do hope that she'll be happy in her life as well.
4 comments:
Ted, you're awesome! I'm sorry you were bullied. I am bullied alot, and I tend to blame myself for it. Sometimes my words don't come out right and I seem to offend people with no intention what-so-ever to do so. I know what I'm trying to say and I guess I think that everyone should understand me. I don't usually lash out when I'm hurt by the words of others, I tend to retreat into my own little sensitive world, play in a pity party and wonder, "Just what did I do to deserve that? And why won't people listen to me when I try to explain myself?" Then, I'm accused of being way to sensitive! Lately though, I have realized that there are alot of "adult bullies" out there that could use some help...and I wish I knew the answer. Can they be helped? If so, how can we help them? I just pray alot, and do alot of forgiving. But like you, I wish some people would just accept my olive branch and be my friend.
Sometimes you just have to walk away from such people. Those folks can't always be changed. Kudos to you for continuing to offer the olive branch, but if she chooses not to accept it, the failure is hers, not yours.
When I first started teaching the "matriarch" by some people standards told me to my face there was no room for my kind to teaching, that I wasn't a real teacher, and my students would accomplish nothing. Funny, all my degrees showed otherwise with the last being a Masters +30. I worked with Emotionally and Learning Disabled and autistic students. Her words were hurtful. My mom says to "kill them with kindness" for people like that...they are not use to that and they won't know what hit them. It was a "hard" task, but I did it. ( Some people are scared of the "unknowing" and they choose a bad way to protect themselves...special ed was the "unknowing" group of students.)
Hi Ted.
Curt sent me here, and I've been 'lurking'.
Not in a serial killer, sadistic way!
Well not 'here' but I got here from your regular blog.
I've dealt with 'adult bullies' too, and I really wonder how they got to adulthood!?
http://scrappintimes-gail.blogspot.com/2010/09/bullies.html
http://scrappintimes-gail.blogspot.com/2010/09/always-somethin-goin-on-down-in.html
Just in case you're bored!
Luckily, (or not)I'm one of those people who get mad, and get it over with.
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